A hands-on BDSM workshop experience in the scenic foothills of Mount Etna
One of my passion projects is teaching workshops that empower women to come into their dominance. I love to show budding dommes creative and embodied ways to enjoy BDSM play and find their own personal style.
Last summer I was invited to a private retreat in Sicily that was a combination of chill hangout and BDSM workshops. There was also an open play space, and absolutely amazing Italian food. As an invited guest, I had carte blanche to teach any kind of workshop that I wanted. In situations like this, I intentionally do not plan my workshops in advance, but rather wait to see what the group dynamic is like and what common interests participants have, then tailor a workshop to those elements.
Chatting with one of the festival goers over brunch, he mentioned how much he loved ballbusting and suggested we do a workshop together. I know him privately from the Berlin BDSM scene and was delighted by his proposal because there is hardly anything that turns me on more than standing over a man in the fetal position after having just kicked him in the balls.
Ballbusting is one of my favorite things to do and I don’t get as many requests as I would like to. I think lot of people are afraid that it will be too hard and intense. So I was excited by the prospect of deconstructing techniques on how to do it, safety concerns and showing the group that ballbusting does not necessarily have to be extreme.
My workshop partner and I brainstormed for a while and planned the workshop for the late afternoon. We started by explaining what we liked about ballbusting. He began by talking about how he loves being at the mercy of a powerful woman and explained how the feeling of ballbusting spreads throughout the whole body. I followed by talking about how much I love that a man can be brought down with a mere kick of my foot. I enjoy playing with the fear of not knowing when the next kick will come and seeing the shudders that run up and down the spine from the anticipation. And when my foot meets skin with that satisfying slap, it gives me a blast of energy akin to drinking a double espresso!
We separated the men and women into two groups and faced them toward each other in two lines. Now picture this – 10 naked men standing in a line with their legs spread. A chair in front of each of them with one or two women on it (the demand to ballbust was higher than the desire to be ballbusted, so we had to double up in some cases!). Behind the group was an enormous window that looked out onto a beautifully tiled swimming pool, beyond that, an idyllic olive grove, and in the distance the sparkling Ionian sea. There are moments when I am leading a group in a workshop or at a play party that the sheer beauty happening in front of my eyes is enough to take my breath away for a moment. This was definitely one of those moments!
It turns out that many of the participants in the room had never taken the time to observe the balls and scrotum, so we began with what I called “Ball mapping”.
The participants were instructed to spend a few minutes investigating the balls: Are they tight and clinging to the body or “low hanging fruit”? Is the skin stretchy or taut? How much do the balls weigh when you take them in the palm of your hand. Now make a ring with your fingers and hold it tightly around the scrotum and stretch the skin over the balls.
Once they had played with one pair of balls, they moved down to the next pair. That way, they had really touched and played with a nice selection of different kinds.
(Here I won’t go into the details of hygiene, consent in a group, and how to check in with your partner. But I assure you, it was thoroughly discussed and implemented.)
From the mapping, we moved into sensation play and I encouraged the women to experiment with touching, stretching, and trying out different kinds of sensory play with the balls. Tapping on them with the fingertips, lightly scratching them with the fingernails.
We progressed to slapping, pounding and punching with the palm of the hand, then the fist. Everyone checked in with their workshop partner by directly asking them if the intensity was okay or if more was desired. Some communicated with non-verbal gestures and measured the intensity through observing facial expressions and listening to the breath. This sensory and impact mapping was a first for many of the women and men in the room.
Before kicking, it is important to make sure that one feels stable and confident in their stance and know exactly which part of my foot lands where, so for the last step I demonstrated how to gauge the distance between me and my partner’s balls. A kick with the front of the foot feels very different from a kick that lands with the top of the foot on the perineum.
Once all of the elements of ballbusting had been practiced, we got to the exciting part. I showed how to increase intensity. My workshop partner got on all fours with his back to me and I started ballbusting him slowly and built up the strength of the impact. Toward the end of the demonstration, I showed some very hard kicks, highlighting how there is an amazing sound when one’s foot hits the balls and perineum in the perfect spot. There is a sting on the top of the foot, and it is incredibly satisfying. (If you know, you know!)
I also played with timing and intentionally waiting for the next kick. I could see the way that the suspense of not knowing when the next kick would come affected his breathing and changed the tension in his body. It’s amazing how much of a mindfuck just playing with time can be, it’s sometimes more powerful that the kick itself.
After enjoying my sadistic high, we spoke about recovery time between kicks then my workshop partner and I showed an alternative position which was very romantic. Two people face each other in a kind of a half embrace, then the woman knees the man in the balls. We told the group that it was a good alternative to a kiss and suggested they try it with their partners on their next anniversary or on Valentine’s day.
In the end, all of the women thanked the men who offered us our balls. I think this is one of the most important parts of a workshop, thanking those who let us exercise our feminine power. Who make themselves and their bodies available to us and trust us as we experiment and gain confidence in what we do. It is beautiful to have men like this around.
Thank god for masochistic men!