Thoughts on Sensual Domination

Deutsche Version: „Bist du berührbar?“ – Gedanken über bizarre Dominanz

In Germany, there is a distinction between the terms Domina (dominatrix) and Bizarrlady, which I would loosely translate as “sensual dominatrix.” There is also a distinction between a “classic” dominatrix and one who allows physical touch.

I very often get asked the question: “Can I touch you?”

And my answer is: It’s not simply a question of whether you can touch me or not.

I understand why these categories exist. Especially in Berlin, there is an enormous range of choices, and if someone is looking for particular practices, terms like these help them find their way around. Naturally, a guest wants to book someone who shares their preferences. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.

But I don’t really see myself in any of these categories.

Maybe that has something to do with English being my native language. The distinction between Bizarrlady and Domina is very specific to German-speaking countries. For international guests, the term “Bizarrlady” often means nothing at all.

For the first eight years, I worked as a Bizarrlady, and a few years ago I started calling myself a dominatrix.

But there, too, I found myself confronted with the question: classic or touchable?

With me, for example, it isn’t possible to simply book facesitting or touching my breasts. These are things I used to offer, but over the years, I’ve learned something about myself and my own way of working:

For me, a certain chemistry develops between two people in a session. And that chemistry also determines what feels right for me in that moment. If it feels right, certain things can happen that might not happen at all in a session with someone else, simply because they wouldn’t fit.

That’s part of my own kind of dominance. It’s playful, feminine and wicked. I love using my body to dominate yours, to seduce you, to use you.

I’m a very physical person. I like skin-to-skin contact and closeness. I wrap myself around your body and drive you out of your mind.

And unfortunately, I often hear things like: “Dominatrices don’t do that.” Or: “That has nothing to do with dominance.”

But I’m very secure in my own dominance. No one can tell me that the way I express my dominance is somehow wrong.

When I first started working professionally as a dominatrix, I was in studios where the distinction between Bizarrlady and Domina was very strict.

A few years later, I met Johanna Weber. That was a very important moment for me because she really broadened my perspective on dominance.

Her kind of dominance is approachable and authentic, just like she is. That inspired me enormously back then (and still does today). Through sessions together and conversations in the staff room, I learned so much from her.

But the most important realization I took from knowing her was, my dominance is my own.

I can express it however I want. I can offer exactly what I want, according to my own desires and my own strengths. And the positive feedback I receive from my guests encourages me to continue following my own path.

Something I really appreciate about Germany, and Berlin in particular, is that sex work is legal here, which makes it possible for a great diversity of different expressions of dominance to exist. People looking to book a BDSM session have an incredible amount of choice because of this, and that is something very special.

And that’s exactly what I love about my colleagues, too. Each brings her own personality, her own preferences and her own unique way of expressing dominance. I find it wonderful how different we can all be.