Recently, I hired a callboy for a few hours of fun. It was my first time, and despite my experience with strip clubs, tantra massages, and a living a life surrounded by sexuality as a professional dominatrix, I was nervous.
This was something I’d wanted to try for a long time. Over the years, I occasionally browsed websites, doing a bit of research, yet I always hesitated. It’s ironic, considering I’ve been a professional dominatrix for nearly a decade and count many sex workers among my friends, I still felt a barrier.
I began to wonder if my hesitation stemmed from my socialization as a woman. Like many women, I wouldn’t think twice about splurging on a wellness treatment like a massage, and I never skimp on good food or wine, yet the idea of hiring an escort felt more taboo. Media representations play a role in this perception. Men hiring escorts or dominatrices are a common trope, but examples of women doing the same are rare.
The idea became more tangible after a conversation with a friend over dinner. I mentioned I’d been considering it, and she shared a link to a website she’d been exploring. We browsed profiles together. She pointed out someone she liked, but he wasn’t my type. I kept scrolling until a profile caught my eye. His pictures were sexy, and his profile text suggested he’d be great for some “pillow talk”, so I decided to reach out and messaged him to check his availability.
Fast forward to the evening of our meeting. When he rang my doorbell, my heart was racing. After a brief chat, we moved into a bit of foreplay to set the mood, and then—well, I’ll leave the spicy details to your imagination.
What struck me most was how I felt afterward. One argument again sex work I hear is a resistance to paying for something that one “could get for free.” I have very skilled lovers, get a lot of fulfillment from my sex work and I could arrange a quick hookup on a dating app if I wanted to, but there was something very hot about paying for the experience. I got a thrill browsing profiles, selecting someone who intrigued me, and anticipating the meeting. And I must say, he certainly didn’t disappoint!
I immediately understood the appeal. This experience gave me a new perspective on my clients. Even as a professional, I felt nervous beforehand. The butterflies in my stomach, the curiosity about how it would unfold—all of it mirrored what many of my guests likely feel before booking a session with me.
And I also felt a deeper connection to all of my guests including those who do not fit the stereotype of the typical person who seeks a dominiatrix. While men make up the majority of my clientele, I also love the sessions I have had with with couples, women, trans and queer folk. And now through my own experience, I better understand the societal and personal boundaries the latter might have had to surmount to book a session with me.
In any case, hiring a callboy left me excited to try it again. Whether as a treat to myself or simply a way to take a break and have a little fun, it’s an experience I’m glad I allowed myself to have—and one I look forward to repeating.